The Biggest Losers

Dear Donald and Rosie,

What can either of you possibly hope to gain by this inane feud played out in the court of public opinion? Sure, I know having your names and images plastered in the media is like a drug — as addictive as Kate Moss is to Pete Doherty. I also understand that you both have network broadcasts whose ratings need adrenaline to avoid the fate of “The OC.”

But don’t you see the foible in this tactless tack? Can’t you see that your public personas, already fairly low on the (illegal) reputation flagpole, cannot benefit? And Don, why would you allow your nepotism to extend to this sordid affair? Do you think for a moment that your hefty adversary would enlist her family to fight her battles? It’s bad enough that she drew a warning from her TV family matriarch.

I hope you both take hold of your senses and allow Perez, TMZ, Page Six and The Scooper to return to their regular reportage of the (comparatively listless) lives of Britney, Lindsay, Tara and Paris.

Yours sincerely,